Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Is your significant other planning a Pattinson Intervention? Here's how to deal:

With all of this Robert Pattinson eye candy exploding around the net, millions of women are:
A) Neglecting all household/work duties
B) Making millions of spouses/boyfriends extremely happy
with special *favors*
C) Both

But beware. As you sit, eyes glazed over the computer looking at Rob's jaw porn, your man may be planning an intervention. Twilight Widowers Anonymous is giving tips to significant others as to how to tactfully employ this procedure, and you need to be warned:

Here are some signs that your lady's "passing interest" in the blood-sucking glitter-boy may have passed into the realm of addiction:
  • Extreme hyperactivity; excessive talkativeness, particularly involving 23-year old English actors.
  • Change in overall attitude / personality. ("Did she just squeal like a 13-year-old girl?")
  • Changes in friends: new hang-outs (Twilight Blogs), avoidance of old crowd (non-Twilight fans), new friends (Twilight bloggers).
  • Change in activities; loss of interest in things that were important before (i.e., You).
  • Difficulty in paying attention; forgetfulness (Remember: Adding the words "Robert Pattinson" into your conversation randomly will help keep her focused).
  • Defensiveness, temper tantrums, resentful behavior ("I cooked for the first 14 years of this marriage! It's your turn!").
  • Unexplained silliness or giddiness.
  • Excessive need for privacy; keeps door locked or closed, won't let people in.
  • Possession of Twilight paraphernalia.

Is it time for an intervention?
If you have come to the realization that your SO is exhibiting some or all of these signs, it is important to know the steps toward staging a successful intervention.

Ladies. Counteract your behavior:
* Throw a packaged lasagna in the oven and slap together a salad with a glass of wine for a romantic dinner.
* Pay *special* attention to your man tonight.
* Resist the urge to call out "Robert" in the throes of passion. Unless S.O.'s name is Robert. Then do it with zeal.
* Call your non-Twilight friend and pretend to
act interested.

Erase the images of sex hair, bedroom eyes and jaw porn.
Just for tonight.

Then sneak back here tomorrow for another fix.


  1. LOVE this!"Unless his name is Robert. Then do it with zeal." I died laughing at that.

  2. Haha too funny! Hmmm I'm guilty as charged of showing all the signs of this wonderful addiction. I won't agree to an intervention but I'll definitely work on my behavior tonight.

  3. DH is reading this over my shoulder laughing as well.. he particularly liked the 'special favours' part.. too bad his name is NOT Robert...
    ok I only squeal when looking at Rob photos when he's not around!

  4. This is hilarious. I do admit to being on the internet a bit more than usual lately. I like the tips to avoid the intervention!

  5. I'm guilty as charged too!! The hubby has been getting "special favors" for awhile now. I think he's gotten used to "Edward" (ok maybe a little Robert too) joining us in the bedroom. :) Sweetest. Addiction. EVER. If our men know whats "good" for them...they'll leave or little addiction alone!!

  6. OME, those pics, he put a spell on me!

  7. Damn! Foiled again. You Twilight fans are always one step ahead of me.

  8. IM GUILTY!!!! I NEED an intervention!!!

  9. I need a new DH! So I can use some of the suggestions!